Questions and Answers – keeping an open heart?

Relationships are the best seminar in town “

Sondra Ray, founder of Loving Relationships Training

Here is a question from a client married to a consistently relapsing alcoholic husband, frustrated after years of marital therapy. Regarding the practical day-to-day experience of open-hearted compassion:

Dear Dr. Weiss,

“ How do you keep an open heart to one that deliberately does actions that he knows will wound you and yet goes ahead? God does not intend us to be martyrs or doormats. It is a conundrum I fear I will never solve. I know from experience it is so much easier to have compassion for the stranger in the hospital bed, the poor in other countries on mission trips and such than it is for the person you live with every day and who is the one who drives you crazy. The one who lets you down and lies and continues the same behavior over and over again.

Dr. Weiss: As you are undoubtedly aware, there is no simple answer other than to learn forgiveness. It is true that those close to us are our greatest challenges. In Internal Family Systems (see www.Selfleadership.org ) the person you are struggling with is called your ‘Tor-mentor.’ Although they seem to clearly be tormenting you they are also your greatest teachers in the attaining the very qualities you seek for your own peace, such as calm, clarity and compassion. Parts of you love your partner while at the same time you have other parts that are furious and hurt. You have managerial parts that want to get rid of him and other parts that remain hopeful.

You are already familiar with the idea that the greatest source of pain in life comes from the idea “If only he would change, I’d be happy.” Fortunately or unfortunately, the true value of forgiveness and openhearted compassion is not dependent on change in the other. It is your own spiritual learning curve; what I call ‘where the rubber meets the road. No amount of ‘acting as if’ can replace the decision to lead from the heart in life. It is a personal decision as to whether to open one’s heart to the world or shut down in cynical self protection. We often meet people who confuse cynicism with wisdom. Cynicism is the false belief that I will be safer encapsulated in protective coating than in trusting my own inner power of transformation. The benefits and the costs accrue only to you. Do I choose to represent the light of Spirit when I walk into a room? Am I willing to shine my own inner light as a demonstration that I already possess it? The choice is yours. And in that choice you can find personal power.

Cordially,

Mark Weiss, Ph.D. LMFT

Steve Jobs speaks at Stanford

Having become one of the most succesful and influential people in the world – think iMac, iPod, iPad, Steve Jobs – gives a commencement speach to the students of Stanford. Steve never finished College, recommends the search for happiness in everyday life and remember that every day can be your last.

Watch the entire speach here

Balancing Your Life DVD

Balancing Your Life:
The Key to Healthy Communication in All Your Relationships

An adjunct to the online test of emotional balance offered on this website, the DVD Balancing Your Life: The Key to Healthy Communication in All Your Relationships is now available for purchase.

“I found Dr. Weiss’ program on testing emotional balance a truly insightful and amazing work. In my case, the test pegged me perfectly. After listening to the program, I was able to gain personal insights that no one before had ever pointed out. In his warm and gentle manner, he gives you wonderful, useful tips to rebalance your emotional state to lead a better, healthier and more satisfying life. Dr. Weiss has a rare gift. I cannot recommend this program more highly.”

–Thom E. Lobe, MD, NMD, ABMH, AAP, ACS Professor, University of Tennessee Health Science Center Chairman Ad Hoc Committee on Complementary and Alternative Medicine, UTHSC, Memphis

PURCHASE NOW:
$29 + $4 shipping



World’s Largest Balloon Sculpture

The WORLD’S LARGEST BALLOON SCULPTURE© was invented by Dr. Weiss for the Unitarian Church in Sepulveda California in 1965. It is a community participation art experience in which children and adults are equals in the creative process. Imagine those long, skinny balloons you make into animals. Now imagine sculpting together thirty five thousand of those balloons into one giant free form sculpture. (see the pictures below.) Then imagine, after 8 hours of building, tearing it all down and stomping it safely into smithereens.

The WORLD’S LARGEST BALLOON SCULPTURE© was the featured event for the Arts Festival of Atlanta’s Children’s day for twenty years. It has been featured at Memphis in May three times and has been built as a fund raiser and public relations event in Kansas City, Nashville Summer Lights Festival, Roanoke, Virginia and California.

The rules of the event are as follows:

  1. You cannot do it wrong. Everyone is right.
  2. If your balloon pops, you get an automatic hug (optional).
  3. Children and adults are equal.
  4. When it’s over, we tear it down and stomp it safely into oblivion.
  5. It’s FREE!!!

If you are interested in sponsoring a WORLD’S LARGEST BALLOON SCULPTURE for your organization, please contact Dr. Weiss.

Contact & Review

Send a message to Dr. Mark Weiss

Mark Weiss, Ph.D., LMFT
Executive Development
358 North Watkins
Memphis TN 38104

tel:  901.454.0205
fax: 901.454.0206

To contact Doctor Weiss by email, please send to this address: Dr. Mark Weiss

Dear Dr Weiss,

Thank you for all of your work with me. I went from despondent to feeling
hope for the first time in years. I am very appreciative.

Karl


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Hi Mark,

You’ve always been such a great example of how to make the most of any
situation.  I admire that in you!  Based on the Law of Attraction, I believe that’s
why you’ve had such a wonderful life, surrounded by so many wonderful people.
That and your magnetic personality!  And you’ve always given so much of
yourself to others.

I wish the best for you and Nancy, always!

Love and Blessings,
Linda

LindaMaking the most of any situation

Dear Dr. Weiss,

I miss your wisdom and hope to have the ability to meet with you again. It has been over 15 years since I had a session with you but I can still hear your words and will forever be thankful and blessed to have had the time I did with you. The words thank you will never be enough.

TraciMissing your wisdom

A Course in Miracles

A COURSE IN MIRACLES

A Course in Miracles is a complete self-study spiritual thought system. As a three-volume curriculum consisting of a Text, Workbook for Students, and Manual for Teachers, it teaches that the way to universal love and peace—or remembering God—is by undoing guilt through forgiving others. The Course thus focuses on the healing of relationships and making them holy. A Course in Miracles also emphasizes that it is but one version of the universal curriculum, of which there are “many thousands.” Consequently, even though the language of the Course is that of traditional Christianity, it expresses a non-sectarian, non-denominational spirituality. A Course in Miracles therefore is a universal spiritual teaching, not a religion.

A Course in Miracles was “scribed” by Dr. Helen Schucman through a process of inner dictation she identified as coming from Jesus. A clinical and research psychologist and tenured Associate Professor of Medical Psychology, she was assisted by Dr. William Thetford, her department head, who was also a tenured Professor of Medical Psychology at the Medical Center where they both worked.

What exactly, then, is A Course in Miracles? The summary introduction, which appears in its Text, is quite succinct and brief. It reads:

“This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary. Free will does not mean that you can establish the curriculum. It means only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time. The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance. The opposite of love is fear, but what is all-encompassing can have no opposite.

This course can therefore be summed up very simply in this way:

Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.

Herein lies the peace of God.”

Innerview Video Feedback

INNERVIEW TRANSFORMATIVE SELFTALK©

BENEFITS
  • Self-awareness
  • Personal growth and effectiveness
  • Spiritual renewal
FEATURES
1. Identify source(s) of Negative Self-Talk
2. Conscious choice to stop listening to Negative Self-Talk
3. Conscious choice to listen to Voice of Spirit
4. Clear illustration of the effects of Negative Self-Talk
on emotions and self-esteem
5. Specific method for changing from Negative to Positive Self-Talk
INNER CHILD DIALOG (CONVERSATION)
BENEFITS

• Trauma resolution
• Increased self-esteem
• Increased aliveness

FEATURES
1. Open communication between adult and inner child
2. Establishing a healthy relationship
3. Equalizing power in the relationship
4. Forgiveness in the relationship
5. Signing a mutual support contract
GRIEF RESOLUTION DIALOG
BENEFITS
Eliminate symptoms of unresolved grief
a. Depression
b. Anxiety
c. Anger
FEATURES
1. Opening a communication between self and lost relationship
2. Establishing a healthy connection
3. A spiritual context for the connection
4. New and meaningful agreements that relieve grief and
establish support

Conscious Breathing

CONSCIOUS BREATHING

Conscious Breathing is a powerful breathing meditation for personal growth and awareness that makes use of conscious, resourceful, breathing patterns to release and re-integrate the blocked energy of suppressed emotions and dis-empowering belief systems.

Emotional Freedom Technique

EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE (EFT)

An exciting and powerful new approach to therapy and personal growth. Developed by Gary Craig as an offshoot of Thought Field Therapy, one of many new energy or meridian therapies, EFT offers a simple and easy to use method for:

  • Removing the emotional charge of self-defeating grievances against self and others
  • Eliminating phobias and anxiety around performance in sports, public speaking and music
  • Permanent removal of the effects of sexual, emotional, physical and spiritual abuse
  • Forgiving and releasing the past
  • Eliminating self sabotage
  • Healing issues of self esteem
  • Parenting skills that assist children in releasing the effects of traumatic events in their lives

Seem too good to be true? Luckily you don’t have to believe it. but you might want to try it. One of the things that attracts me to EFT is that after some initial sessions of training, the client is able to use the approach on themselves and continue to get even greater benefits.

Knowing why is the booby prize!

Old Psychology joke: ‘You go to the psychiatrist unhappy and not knowing why. You finish with the psychiatrist unhappy and knowing why.’ Traditionally, psychotherapy has focused on coping with problems rather than curing them. That has been a reasonable stance given the poor rates of success for talking therapy, emotional release therapy and drug therapy.

In the last thirty years, a new set of therapies have emerged called energy healing. These therapies seem to go to the root cause of trauma and remove the emotional charge that disturbs present moment behavior and mood. Many of these energy therapies use models very different from typical analytic approaches. Some focus on energy meridians derived from Chinese medicine. Others use concepts from Indian (both east and west) medicine.

Others are striving to find rationales from sub-atomic physics. What I am discovering in my use of these therapies is that success rates are skyrocketing and the results are holding. With Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), a meridian therapy I am using with my clients, a second benefit is that the clients learn to use the methods for themselves. The cost of therapy goes down as clients use EFT on their own. We are entering a new era of energy healing therapy. For the first time I am comfortable offering cure as an option to my clients. There are no guarantees in therapy but it is refreshing to be able to set one’s sights higher and be able to achieve them.

Here’s a 7-minute video introduction to  EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique):

 

EMDR

EMDR is an acronym for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is an innovative clinical treatment that has successfully helped over a million individuals who have survived trauma, including sexual abuse, domestic violence, combat, crime, and those suffering from a number of other complaints including depressions, addictions, phobias and a variety of self-esteem issues.

EMDR is a complex approach to psychotherapy that integrates many of the successful elements of a range of therapeutic approaches in combination with eye movements or other forms of rhythmical stimulation in ways that stimulate the brain’s information processing system. With EMDR therapy it is unnecessary to delve into decades-old psychological material, but rather, by activating the information-processing system of the brain, people can achieve their therapeutic goals at a rapid rate, with recognizable changes that don’t disappear over time.

Fourteen controlled studies support the efficacy of EMDR, making it the most thoroughly researched method ever used in the treatment of trauma. The most recent 5 studies with individuals suffering from events such as rape, loss of a loved one, accidents, natural disasters, etc. have found that 84-90% no longer had post-traumatic stress disorder after only three treatment sessions. A recent study financed by Kaiser Permanente revealed that EMDR was twice as effective in half the amount of time compared to the standard traditional care. However, clients and clinicians should note that EMDR is not a race. While many people show dramatic responses in a short amount of time, there are also those who will progress more slowly and that the slower progression is not abnormal. For instance, those with multiple traumas such as molestation and combat veterans will generally need longer treatment. The one study offering a full course of treatment to combat veterans found that after twelve sessions, 77% no longer had PTSD. Just as in any therapy, we all progress at the rate appropriate to the individual and the clinical situation.

The major significance of EMDR is that it allows the brain to heal its psychological problems at the same rate as the rest of the body is healing its physical ailments. Because EMDR allows minds and body to heal at the same rate, it is effectively making time irrelevant in therapy. Given its wide application, EMDR promises to be the therapy of the future.